Break The Cycle: He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

Photo by Melissa F. Arditti

There is a time and a place for everything and so let me preface by saying that this blog is not meant to discourage anyone from buying a bouquet of flowers for their loved one or slamming the notion that the purchase of flowers equates abuse.

This is only through the words of a survivor on what it feels like being in an abusive situation and the symbolism of what “flowers” can represent.

It is well-known that males (and to be inclusive - as well as those who identify as something else) experience abuse too in many different forms. Specifically for men, it is often under-reported and many feel ashamed from a societal point of view to ever come forward. It is slow change to break the stigma that men are still viewed as “disposable.”  They are not and need protection as well.

This writing is from a female perspective. In the end, you can find the strength. You make the choice to leave and walk away, or you choose to give someone else the power and be carried away.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

The feeling of anxiety creeps up as another long day at work is now over. The familiar footsteps are heard, as the keys rattle the door, and you brace yourself because it all begins again.

You feel the quiver, as his lips touch your cheek.

"These are for you."

He hands you the most beautiful arrangement of flowers.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I promise.”

He gives you that reassuring smile and you look up at him with doe eyes and in a split second, he has you hooked.

You believe him. He loves you. Everything this time will be okay.  He’s changed.

Another lonely night. He won’t call or text, or let you know when he’ll be home. You look at your flowers laying on the floor. You remember his words, they echo in your ears.

“You’re stupid.”
“You’re worthless.” 
“What good are you to me?”

You get down on both knees and start cleaning up the shattered glass vase he broke right in front of you. Tears stream down your face and for the first time now, you can feel the sting, the burn of his forceful slap against the cheek he kissed you on which seemed like only days ago.

He finally comes home.  You grow angrier. You muster the courage to tell him to leave and that you won’t put up with his behaviour anymore.

He begs you to stay and gets down on one knee and sobs uncontrollably. He tells you:

“It won’t happen again,  I’m really sorry.” 
“You can’t leave me. I’ll die without you.”

You forgive him.  He’ll change. He promised you.

You look in the mirror and notice your matching bruises. One starts to fade and another appears, and another and another... In the corner of your eye, you see another set of flowers. You close the bathroom light and go over to the vase and smell the aroma of fresh cut flowers. A note is attached:

“I’m sorry, I love you.”

The words I love you hit you like a ton of bricks. You feel validated and you know he’s sorry. This is just a rough patch, you’ll get through it. He’s a good person. Maybe you need to try harder.

That familiar voice inside your head screams out: Maybe you just need to leave.

Terrified he may find you.
Wishing things could go back to how they once were.
Scared of being alone.
No one to trust.
Afraid of not having anywhere to go. 

"It was the hope of all we might have been, that fills me with the hope to wish impossible things."

-The Cure, To Wish Impossible Things

You make the choice to listen and never look back.

Now they will finally hear you.

“Another ditch in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on. And the years pass by so fast, wonder how I ever made it through.” 

- Savage Garden, Two Beds and a Coffee Machine

The act of giving or receiving flowers can represent a slew of positive emotions. When someone is sick, sunflowers can brighten their day, a big accomplishment deserves some and take note that even a simple apology might warrant your favourite flowers. There is also the notion of flowers for no reason, which can be a delight to somebody you appreciate, respect and love.

Flowers are not meant to be used as a manipulative tool but it is sadly a very common occurrence in many abusive relationships and if you’re a hopeful romantic, sometimes it is those small gestures that keep you hooked into the cycle. Those vibrant beauties are warped into representing ugliness and for the abuser, gives permission to physically or sexually assault, threaten the worth of the other person, and ultimately gain complete and total control so that you cannot ever leave. Crocodile tears are often part of the never-ending cycle that fills you full of guilt and willing to give yet another chance.

"You have no power over me!" Labyrinth

If you or someone you love is struggling with an abusive situation, here are some resources to help guide you in right direction. Note these are local resources to the Windsor-Essex area, but you can follow the links on the website to access information and find out how you can get assistance in your designated location.

https://www.wrh.on.ca/SADVTC

https://www.hiatushouse.com/services.html

https://windsoressex.cmha.ca/
24-Hour Crisis Line: 519-973-4435

My Love Book

Over the last several years, life has been rather challenging and I'll honestly say that not every day is great, but I am learning to cope. It's a slow process and if you've been reading my blog, you're getting a glimpse into some of what I've had to deal with, both with physical pains and emotional ones, as well as all the different things I'm doing with trying to heal.

I think for many of us, we get those moments where we feel really useless, maybe not as a person, but due to the fact that we cannot be the ball of energy that we used to be. Dishes don't get done, laundry doesn't get put away, and trying to have a job never mind a thriving career seems futile because we just never know how we are feeling from day-to-day.  There are moments when I feel like I am contributing nothing to my relationship and then I give my head a good shake, pop open this book, and realize that despite my issues, I'm awesome, just like you are incredible in your own way too!

This Love Book that Bill created to celebrate our 9 year anniversary back in September, reaffirms not only how much he loves and appreciates me, but that we complement each other wonderfully.  A lot of the pages are personal and I tell you that tears well up in my eyes every time I read it!

Here it is, enjoy!

Love Book from Bill.

Custom Music: "Sunrise" by Bill Nuvo

If you want to create your own personalized lovebook for someone special, just follow the link here and get started: https://lovebookonline.com/

Physiotherapy: Why "I Love You" Makes a Difference

Well it’s been over a month or so of intense physiotherapy and I am seeing some improvements with my pain levels, not to mention my flexibility. Strength, well that ranges from day to day. Sometimes I can easily open up a jar and other times “Bill, can you come please help open this!”  Side note: one of the best presents Bill ever got me for the kitchen: This gadget rocks when i'm solo and no one is around to assist me: Easy Twist Jar Opener

My personalized physiotherapy program was designed exactly for the issues that I asked for help with, along with problems that they saw when I did my assessments. I won’t go into a ton of detail on what I’m doing because it may not be what you are actually needing for your own recovery. I will though include some parts that I think are really helpful for everyone, but I would encourage you to book a consultation to assess your individual needs. 

For pelvic floor physiotherapy, you need to be comfortable with your physiotherapist. If you’re not, it’s going to be a clenching fiasco, which for most of us who suffer with tight pelvic floor muscles is a nightmare.  The internal exam and on-going internal “work” is really important. I did ask Catherine if she sees patients who forgo the internal part and she said yes, but when that is the case, there is only so much she can do. 

I’m past the point of being shy. I cannot count how many specialists have seen my tush and other intimate areas. It still is a bit of a source of trauma for me on an emotional level because of what I have been through, but in order to heal, those trigger points inside need to get some much needed tlc and external only does so much.  I am doing a lot of work at home because let’s not kid ourselves, therapy is expensive. My coverage has ran out for the year and so everything now is paying out of pocket.  This is why I am really happy with my time at Physiofit because they realize that we’re not all money trees. I have plenty of exercises to do daily at home between visits, so it’s kind of like Santa Claus knowing if you are awake or have been good or bad (not in the same creepy way though). The physio team knows if their clients have been diligent in the exercises or slacking.

Just some of the exercises that I do on a daily basis at home and also at Physiofit (amongst others that they have special equipment for). I get assessed and different exercises get put in and others get taken out, depending on how my body is responding and what they think I should work on next.

Now for the physiotherapy part that doesn’t involve any internal work, there is still a lot of parts of the body that I knew I had some pain but didn’t realize the difference when I started to activate those muscles properly.  Posture, a big one. I have “sitting syndrome” which I think a lot of us can relate to, whether we’ve worked in jobs that have us sitting a majority of the day or have been in bed-ridden situations where our muscles just become very weak from lack of movement.  My upper back is super duper tight, which is part of the area where I hold my stress, and so with the all the targeted exercises I have been doing, I can really feel a positive difference and Bill also uses his magical hands when i'm really achy. Incorporating everything and also making the time to book massages, which works well for me.

I recall my first time on the treadmill, which has been my warm-up, and I didn’t realize how much I swayed with my hips and shoulders. Being aware of these things helps to break the habit, although most of us probably don’t even realize that we’re walking incorrectly and causing so much extra pain.  The best part though is investing your time with a professional team and giving a whole stack of effort, it can get better.

Now I am sure you are wondering about my title of “I love you” and how that relates to this blog.  While positive words of affirmation are always encouraged, I am actually referring to a specific exercise that I have been taught a few times now called the I love you massage.  This helps with cramps, gas, constipation, and all those fun digestive symptoms. I have a video here to show you basically how it’s done. It may not work the first time for you, or the second, but keep at it. It’s simple to do and really helps to move things along. Some videos you will see show immediate relief, but from my own experiences, it can take a few hours to even overnight. It just depends on how congested my body is. 

A great video that shows how the technique is done.

I am doing a lot of other things along with physiotherapy, so i'll have another blog up on those details soon!

As always, thank you for the on-going support.

If you have any questions, feel free to connect with me over e-mail, leave a comment on my blog or find me on Facebook.

Ask Bill: Magnet Therapy

Welcome to another edition of ASK BILL!

Bill has been overwhelmed by the number of requests that he receives from people asking him a variety of questions related to science and scams that circulate on the Internet and elsewhere. To manage his time effectively, Bill has decided to do a weekly fun and educational "Ask Bill" segment.

Every Wednesday, Bill will choose one question from his e-mails and answer another science or hoax question. Get your questions into him ASAP.

For this week's ASK BILL, Bill didn't have time to do much, as he's been really busy, so instead he will post an old article that he wrote 5 years ago, related to the topic of Magnet Therapy.

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Magnet therapy is the use of static magnets for aid in blood circulation. Claims include helping with pain, healing properties, asthma reduction and more.

One of the best known "magnetizers" was Franz Mesmer. He became all the rage in Paris circa 1778. He would sit patients near a vat of "magnetized" water and would then wave magnetized iron rods around the person. Eventually he discovered, with his colourful attire, that he was just as effective simply leaving the magnets behind and waving his hands around them. I assume this is where "mesmerized" came from.

Interesting to note that, eventually the king appointed a royal inquiry into this with some of the top Parisian physicians and also a U.S. representative by the name of Benjamin Franklin, who believed that the patients did benefit from this practice simply because it kept them away from bloodletting and leeching (similar to the rise in homeopathy at the time...it was a better choice than other practices of the time including the use of mercury to cure).

Magnet Therapy proponents claim that the blood is helped to circulate. Often by watching their videos, they show reddening of the skin around the magnets. This is simply false. The iron in blood is not attracted to the magnet at all. This is because the iron in hemoglobin is not ferromagnetic, but in fact, diamagnetic (it's actually weakly repelled).

The magnets used are often similar to that of fridge magnets. Fridge magnets are designed so that the magnetic field drops off very quickly with a minimal distance. How many papers can you put between your fridge and magnet before the field is so weak it won't hold anything up? Go ahead try it. Similar type magnets were put into foot inserts (yes from that famous company). Next time you are at a place that sells them, take the package to the greeting card section. See how many cards it'll hold up. Now consider this: If the field is that small, how will it even penetrate your sock, and then your skin?

An MRI (Medical Resonance Imaging) uses an ultra strong magnetic field. Know what the most common activity in the body it is used for? Studying blood flow. If magnets had any major effects on blood circulation, an MRI would most certainly cause a person to explode.

Recently (1990's) we've seen a rise in the popularity of magnet therapy thanks due in part to celebrity endorsements from golfers and quarterbacks. "Oh sure," we say, "quarterbacks know pain" so we should take their word for it that a certain product works. Anecdotes are not proof though and often exist due to confusion of correlation and causation.

It seems that any study that is supportive (marginally) was small (under 100 people) and unrepeatable thus suggesting some flaw like the Bayler College of Medicine study. All larger studies since that 1997 one have shown no causation.

References

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wcKRJvlD1Y

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2o75t_sss11-of-14-homeopathy-magnets-and_school

http://www.quackwatch.com/04ConsumerEducation/QA/magnet.html

http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/PhonyAds/florsheim.html

http://www.sillybeliefs.com/magnets.html

http://www.livescience.com/health/061219_bad_magnets.html

http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Magnetic_therapy

http://quackfiles.blogspot.com/2005/04/magnetic-therapy.html

Demon Haunted World--Carl Sagan

Voodoo Science--Robert Park


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*For over 30 years, Bill has been a professional magician and has traveled all across Canada, performing for all ages. Along with his passion for entertaining, Bill is an educator and life-long learner. He continues to study biology, psychology, neuroscience and chemistry.  Bill has also written many articles on science and scams for various blogs, newspapers and other publications.

Visit his business site, Nuvo Entertainment: www.nuvoentertainment.com

Hot Docs: Sleepless in New York

Love is a complicated emotion that makes us do crazy things. Sometimes we are so in love that we forget ourselves. We may sacrifice our well-being and devote all our attention and energy for the hope that we’ll be loved back. When the break-up happens though, we are completely lost and left alone with only our ill thoughts of feeling like it’s the end of the world and what the hell did we do wrong to deserve this?

In the documentary, Sleepless in New York, directed by Christian Frei, we get to view broken-hearted test subject, Alley Scott, through a brief interview, followed by an MRI to understand the profound effects that rejection has on us on many levels. It was interesting to note that when you are rejected, someone could spend up to 85% of the day thinking about that person.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, studies the brain circuitry of romantic love and has coined the term “frustration attraction.” It’s when the dopamine system doesn't get what it wants, and tries even harder. So, despite all best intentions, you love who dumped you even more. It seems a bit sadistic, doesn't it?

This documentary has an extremely melancholy feel to it which suits the subject matter rather well. It does have an artistic side as well, displaying a variety of people on a busy New York subway in slow-motion. They are obviously dealing with loss, in some form or another. There is also a lot of narration from the three main people: Alley Scott, Michael Harington, and Rosey La Rouge, who intimately share their stories and don’t hold back from revealing their emotional turmoil while trying to deal with life as a single person.

At times you want to give them a big, comforting hug, and sometimes you want to shake them and say forget about that $h!t!

If you’re in a situation where you've been rejected and are looking for a few healthy coping tips, it has been suggested that the best way thing to do is to get that person out of your head entirely. This includes removing the person from all your contact lists, getting rid of photos, e-mails, old love letters, and anything that sparks a reminder or memory. Time for a clean-slate. Treat yourself well (often termed as ‘self-care’), and go out and do new things. Get a hobby or hang out with supportive friends.

It’s not an easy road when you love someone and they throw your heart away. I think we've all been there.

The connection can be so strong that it almost seems impossible to pull away. You will go to any length for one last chance, even if that means stalking that person by driving by their house multiple times a night, showing up all the time at places with the hope that your ex will be there, checking their Facebook page hundreds of times per day, and more extreme behaviours.

As we continue this path of self-destruction, we lose a little more of ourselves each and every day.

Moving on can feel impossible, no matter if you have known someone for just a single day or if you've gone as far as actually starting to build a life together. For these three tortured souls in Sleepless in New York, and really for the rest of us in the world who may be mending a broken-heart, rest assure that there is some truth to the old adage that time heals all wounds.

VNV Nation: Automatic

I finally bought the one gift that I wanted the most this year ---VNV Nation's "Automatic" cd. ♥

Thank you for creating a piece of work that continues to help me see the beauty and strength in victory not vengeance!

Alternative Therapies: Lay Your Hands On Me

Before I mention anything about the treatment of Reiki, let me first address that I fully realize that some people have strong convictions that this is all hoopla; not only Reiki but acupuncture and many other types of holistic practices. I do acknowledge that some techniques that are used today can be misrepresentations because of bold and false claims, alongside of the potential to damage a person’s physical and mental state of mind.




Ying-Yang the balance of the Life
Pic of me taken by Ty B Photography

While talking to my dad one day, I asked him, how do I know if any of this stuff works or not? It is not  like taking a pill and having your headache go away or taking  a cough medicine and then stop coughing.  He told me that he had the same question and mentioned that to his acupuncturist.

“How do I know if this is working or not?”

“Do you feel better after your session?”

“Yes I do.”

“Then your question is answered.”

Convincing a person to see the world through his eyes or my eyes would be impossible, just as an explanation that everything he felt or what I’ve experienced is strictly due to the placebo effect (defined as: “the beneficial effect in a patient following a particular treatment that arises from the patient’s expectations concerning the treatment rather than from the treatment itself”) wouldn’t hold very much ground for either one of us in certain circumstances.

Founded by Dr. Mikao Usui, a Buddhist, Reiki originated in Japan and is an art form of healing using gentle touch by one’s hands. The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words – Rei which means “God’s Wisdom or the Higher Power” and Ki which is “life force energy”. So together, Reiki is actually “spiritually guided life force energy.”

Reiki treats the entire person, including the body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many positive effects, which include and not limited to: relaxation, peacefulness, security and well-being. Combined with other medical or therapeutic techniques are said to help in recovery from a variety of illnesses.

Treating me as a ‘whole’ person gave me many options with my treatment program at Beaumont Hospital. The integrated approach that they provide at the Women’s Urology Center sat very well with me because healing for me is not only in the physical sense. I realize that my mind and body need to be in sync again.  So they offer two complimentary sessions of Reiki for their patients to try out and so I took advantage of one appointment this last week.

I will not spoil the intimate and sacred practice by telling you everything that was done during my session by my Reiki practitioner, because if you do decide to try this, I’d like you to experience this as you were meant to. I will mention that she told me that every person is different though, and so for some they do not feel anything and others are the opposite.

From my encounter, I will say that I did feel a plethora of sensations as her hands positioned across different sections of my body and as I felt her light touch on my skin. At certain times, as my eyes were closed, I did see painful memories and felt a lot of intense and tingling feelings rush through my body. When I opened my eyes, I realized we were done. I felt relaxed and rather in a state of sedation or maybe even some kind of deep trance. It was peculiar but also comforting at the same time that I could be so present in the moment, without even realizing it.

What did she feel? My mind was beautiful and energy was flowing freely there, however in one part of my body, there is no energy at all. She would imagine because I feel pain, there would be a lot of energy going on, but there was nothing. My body is holding onto memories which are coined as “body memories” and actually something similar that I was told before by another person.

Everything she said was true and although I realize that it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure me out based on being a patient at a women’s center. However, I felt she was genuine and really committed and focused on the experience that she just shared with me.

Would I do Reiki again? At this time, no. It was too intense for me. Perhaps that’s the point of getting to the “heart of the matter” so to speak, but I’m not ready to tear down all the walls at once. It has to be gradual and maybe for someone else it would be just the right amount. I did feel very calm and relaxed afterwards, and so I think I did receive some benefits.

Reiki is practiced all over the world and I know there are many individuals here in Windsor who offer the service, some don’t just use their hands but crystals, stones and other objects. So whether you try it out here or go over to the States, just go in with an open mind and heart and allow your practitioner to do the rest. Please be advised if any person claims to "cure" you, walk out the door.

I do like some of the philosophies behind Reiki though and so part of this quote resonated with me.  I leave you with these beautiful words that I somewhat try to incorporate into my daily life now and hope you will too.

Just for today
Do not anger
Do not worry and be filled with gratitude
Devote yourself to your work
Be kind to people.
Every morning and evening, join your hands in prayer.
Pray these words to your heart
and chant these words with your mouth
Usui Mikao  

Recovery Process: 12 Weeks At Beaumont Hospital

Yesterday marked my 12 weeks at Beaumont Hospital

From a physical standpoint, I still do have pain, but it's less than when this ordeal first started. My day consists of doing many different exercises that will help with the healing process. I'm not taking any medications, except for one muscle relaxant before bedtime. I am armed with knowledge, learning more about my body and many things I can do to lead a well-balanced life. The weekly counselling/physiotherapy is helping a lot too. My Beaumont team is so awesome and supportive! No wonder they are ranked again as one of the best hospitals in so many fields, including Urology.

My life has really begun to change, although thinking about it, I guess our lives are constantly changing each and every day. However, instead of trying to forget my past, i'm in the process of finally dealing with it, and coming to terms with everything i've buried deep within me for as long as I can remember. It hurts, it is exhausting but I know I have to do this.

I look at my body and the scars remind me that I survived, but my heart doesn't quite heal as fast. I thought forgetting everything would be my salvation and I could just deal with the present but it caused more harm. So it was a valuable lesson to learn and one to try not to repeat and to always remember that "I am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else does." I'm not exactly sure of what the term love actually means to me now. I guess the feeling of acceptance and safety as well as respect, all encompasses the term.

Although it's going to be a long road for me, I am making progress. I've never really been a hare, i've always been the tortoise.



This flower that bloomed in the garden at home represents
my ultimate goal of feeling whole again.

Fugitive Pieces Movie Review: You Can Choose To See What Destroys Something

Movie Review:

In the movie, Fugitive Pieces, the innocence of a child is broken when a young Jewish boy living in Poland named Jakob (young-Robbie Kay) witnesses his family killed by Nazis. In his efforts to escape, Jackob is rescued by an Archeologist named Athos (Rade Serbedzija) who raises him. As the years go by, Jakob (older-playing by Stephen Dillane) is still haunted by painful memories and is consumed with finding out what happened to his beloved sister, Bella. (played by Nina Dobrev-well known for her lead role in the hit teen drama: Vampire Diaries)

The entire movie is very well directed and every emotion is captured so exquisitely with brilliant performances all around. The poetic narration expressed at the beginning shows the desperation of putting the pieces together and the mental exhaustion that seems to ruin any potential for a real romantic attachment for Jakob. 

Although this movie does have brooding moments, the bond between Jakob and Athos is heartwarming and genuinely portrayed. There is an enormous amount of passion during certain scenes that just bring you to tears. 

As an unexpected visitor appears, Jakob's thoughts of despair are challenged as the feelings that he has been yearning for are no longer buried so deeply in his mind as healing seems possible again.

Gall Bladder Recovery Continues

As I continue to heal, I spend a majority of time in my bedroom. I felt inspired to take a photo through these window blinds.

On this warm November day, nothing can be blinded by its beauty.

The Beginning of Healing

ying yang - the balance of life

Well this is my first official blog and you may be wondering why on earth I would start it on January 6, 2009 instead of the beginning of the New Year. I guess today’s events which I will fill you in about soon enough, provoked that urge to start one.

So my question to everyone reading this: is love like a piece of Doublemint gum? In front of me, I have a piece of spearmint gum. It’s wrapped up perfectly in its packaging, without a single fray to the edge, tear or crease along the paper. When I pick it up, I gently bring my nose close and sniff. The mint aroma is quite potent and even a little overpowering at first, but the idea of chewing a fresh, new piece of gum is quite exhilarating. The touch of the foil between my fingers feels like a sensation I’ve never even experienced before. I open it up enthusiastically, popping that single piece into my mouth, hoping that it will last forever.

As I’m chewing, I’ll tell you that my day started out just fine and you know that feeling when you are in a good mood, suddenly you get this unexpected surprise that just completely knocks the wind out of you? Well, that's probably an understatement of how I felt until I opened up the newspaper to be greeted by a face I never thought I would have to see again.

Maybe I could say that I felt like a child realizing that Santa Claus actually didn’t exist and their mother or father was actually the one eating those cookies and warm milk. Damn all those carefully constructed letters to the North Pole! 

I don’t know how to explain it properly or exactly how I felt, but at that moment, all the hurt just came flooding back to me. I know that my healing process has been considerable and if only the spirits were kind enough to give me a fair warning so I could have prepared! I guess the joke was on me. Haha…

My original piece of gum that was really soft and making my mouth happy is now getting a bit more difficult to chew and I’m needing to use way more effort now to get the same feeling I had before. It can’t go away this quickly.

So I think I was mentioning that I was dreaming and what I saw was clearly a figment of my imagination, right? I only wish. It was smack dab right in front of me and I just tore up the paper into a million pieces in a sudden fit of rage and threw it in the garbage.

The effort I was using for this gum is not helping much but I continue to chew, hoping it will get better with time. The minty flavour will return, it has to, I’ll just try harder.

After that brief shock, I was able to actually take some time away and have a plentiful lunch. Carbs are a girl’s best friend, screw the diamonds. I’m an emotional eater but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was still around.

Then the paranoia set in of will I actually see them in person now? Maybe I shouldn’t ever leave the house again to avoid feeling the pain. I could just have meals delivered to me, shop online for necessities and do distance education classes. Then I had a second to realize how absurd I’m being.

Unrequited love is painful but this went way beyond anything in my wildest dreams, or rather nightmares.

My gum is now stale and I’m ready to toss it away. It kills me to even remember those good moments of chewing, so I rather forget it all. I just want to get rid of this gum for good. I’m happy that I have switched brands, and have the potential of finding a new flavour even. Opening up a new piece will most likely bring back all those pleasant feelings, but let’s hope all the pieces from now on will last much longer.

So obviously I shouldn’t care anymore, but there will probably be parts that will resurface. The pain  will perhaps go away one day. I’ll be able to look back and laugh at all this.

I keep that faith, after all, it's my middle name. One thing I will say though is that with the supposedly comforting phrase of "time heals all wounds" I’d like it to happen already.