Reflections of 2025

As the countdown begins, I made a little collage to reflect back on this year. Intentionally, I took flight more often from social media and begun to cultivate a new existence outside of screens.

It wasn't about the gigantic steps in 2025...it was teensy tiny ones with a lot of fumbling along the way.

The hats that I wore in work and play altered in unexpected ways, but I remained what many still call me ("a muse").

My little support nook was of course an extra heartbeat to keep momentum when life got really rough (thank you)and I hope our connections continue to grow in 2026.

Voices Carry: She Said Movie Review

 

She Said, directed by Maria Schrader takes investigative journalism to another level, as New York Times journalists Megan Twohey (played by Carey Mulligan) and Jodi Kantor (played by Zoe Kazan) spearhead a story that would finally give women a voice to speak out about their experiences against one of most affluent Hollywood producers, Harvey Weinstein.

It is no surprise that powerful men often feel that they are in a position to have the upper hand and can use many forms of coercive control to get what they want.  The word “narcissist” is a word that is well-known in our vocabulary, but until we witness this behaviour, it only scratches the surface of what a person with this type of personality disorder can be capable of.  

The portrayal of Harvey in this film is chilling. It is a mirrored reflection of many men (in this particular case, but can be applied to any gender, of course) who believe they will never be caught because they are under a delusion that they are untouchable. We are reminded that as this case unfolds, the illusion of this idea is deeply flawed.  

The mix of emotions here is strong, as recollections of events are told and of course all the loop holes that impede justice. There is no linear path sometimes for conviction, which is frustrating and we can see the pursuit for the truth is painstakingly hard. We hold an uneasy feeling of wondering if justice will ever prevail. 

I thought this film was executed very well and Mulligan and Kazan’s performances exposed their character’s emotions in a raw way that didn’t take away from the story itself, but actually made it stronger. There is always risk to revealing dark secrets when evidence is not clear cut, but the phrase often used of “he said, she said” doesn’t apply here as all the pieces come together and we get to see more people come out of the shadows and one of the most prolific New York Time stories published that can never be unseen.

Some may feel that Weinstein was just another victim of his earlier life circumstances, plagued by mental illness and the incredible pressures of the Hollywood lifestyle. These and many other factors allowed for his behaviours to be overlooked and unnoticed. 

She Said is a liberating film to watch and as I reflected, I thought of a song that I loved to karaoke. It is called Voices Carry – by 'Til Tuesday with an empowering chorus “hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry” which can be an anthem sung loudly for women (or any person for that matter) who has experienced the devastating and often long-standing wounds of abuse.  

💜Resources to reach out to:

Support links- Ontario

Canadian Mental Health

National organizations

Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me Review

Reaching pop stardom beyond her wildest dreams, the pressure of perfection has been no stranger to Selena Gomez. With her first exciting appearance on Barney and Friends, to a big break on the Disney Channel circuit, it was only the beginning. 

Directed by Alek Keshishian, we get to see when the make-up comes off, the smiles go away, some of the lowest of lows, as Selena talks openly about her feelings of never being good enough. She can’t even grab a bite to eat without the paparazzi in her face, snapping photos and asking about her painful breakup with Canadian pop superstar, Justin Bieber. It is the price of what comes often with fame. 

Riddled with anxiety and depression for years, we can see Selena is hanging by a thread, but she pushes onward. After a complete and total breakdown and dealing with lupus - a complex autoimmune illness, looking further for answers, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder finally fits the puzzle pieces together. It's now time to take a step inward and let the healing begin.

Before you roll your eyes and think another young celeb who can’t appreciate what they have, Selena is genuinely hurting and I think this biopic does an excellent job at documenting six years of her personal journey.  Again, this may look totally different from what someone else experiences, but let's give some grace instead of criticism of what "mental illness" should look and feel like.

Despite the struggles, it is evident that Selena's heart is huge and although she is clearly in a position of influence, having a team of people around her and access to care that many do not have, philanthropy gives her purpose to keep going in this life and to help those who still don’t have a voice. 

By the end of the film, we just want to give her a big hug and let her know that she is in fact, more than enough.

💜My Mind & Me Trailer

Need help? Here are some resources you might want to check out:

💜National Institute of Mental Health

💜Canadian Mental Health

💜Lupus

Trauma Beyond the Trenches: Q&A with Author Aaron Lee Marshall

There’s no better time like the present to connect with people, to share stories and to find strength and hope.  Let me introduce you to Aaron Lee Marshall, a Purple Heart war veteran who served 452 days on Active Duty during Operation Iraqi Freedom II as a Military Police Officer in Baqubah, Iraq. 

Aaron’s book Baqubah: Bones & Blood is a vast collection of recordings, notes, emails, letters, memories and dreams. It is a compelling look at what trauma looks like through the eyes of a modern-day soldier. 

Below is a Q&A that I did with Aaron, talking about his journey before, during and after his time served.

Aaron and  his adorable rescue dog from Louisiana, King Peter

1. What made you enter the military life and as some would say “serve your country”?

I wanted to be a Marine when I was a kid. I even still have a picture in crayon from when I was 5 that says “to be Marine” under a crudely drawn picture of a marine saluting in dress blues. I had asthma though, so to get into any branch, I had to hide that fact which was something I really had to practice at trying to control. When I was finally old enough to join, I did some research into the running requirements of each branch and the marines had a faster run requirement. I needed as much time as possible, in case I had an asthma attack and needed to stop running. I ended up joining the army instead. I also was in college majoring in philosophy when the twin towers came down. That had a profound effect on me.

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2. We watch heart-breaking tv/movies on the topic of war, where the director will put their own spin on it. Can you think of any shows or films that really encapsulate the true reality of war?

I think Saving Private Ryan is the gold standard but there are so many more now. I don’t watch war movies anymore though so I’m not the best authority on that. From tv and movies, the most real ones are usually the moments that they do get right and remind you of something that happens. It’s the strangest thing. 

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3. In military, and please correct me if I’m wrong, it is often a necessity to “break” a soldier down at the beginning so they will become fully compliant to their troop leaders. Did you experience or witness any of these tactics?

Absolutely, but there is a lot of wiggle room in what that looks like and what actually works. Love works I can tell you that. The drill instructors that really cared and took the time to show me the smaller details of being a soldier has been one of the things that has always stuck with me. No matter where you go in life, people are going to break down. Sometimes all around you. In the army, it’s just a threshold you have to cross on your own. I joined a military fraternity Phi Beta Upsilon, before I joined the army, so boot camp was honestly a breeze. Being hazed was far worse. 

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4. After surviving what you went through, tell me some things now in everyday life that brings you joy?

Oh man, where to start! My kids, my wife, Red Bull, autumn in New England, poetry, Ralph Waldo Emerson, music, movies and books. The list is infinitely long now that I’m sober and in long term recovery. I play guitar and sing some days. Other times, I paint. Life is good. There is always something that I’m passionate about to look forward to. 

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5. Here in Canada, mental health is a topic that still holds some stigma, but we have a lot of great organizations that help support a wide demographic. I know that in the United States things are different especially with the complexity of your healthcare system, but what kind of supports are in place for you now? Also, what changes do you want to see?

Our biggest support in the United States is each other. And by that I mean every veteran of any branch can lean on one another for support and in my experience, it’s the most fulfilling brotherhood that exists. There are so many changes that need to happen. A good start is giving out information and classes to new recruits in boot camp instead of having them be blindsided by the truth after it’s too late.

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6. Do you have any future book endeavours in mind? If so, what subjects will you be delving into?

I’m constantly working on projects. I am redoing two poetry books with updated editions and more bonus content. I’m still playing guitar everyday and working on music, so maybe a book about music at some point. But right now it’s poetry I’m focusing on and learning Latin. Plutarch didn’t learn how to read and write in Latin until he was 40. I’m 38 ,so that gives me a lot of motivation. He’s one of my hero’s. I also collect old dictionaries Ainsworth, Johnson, Hooper, Worcester, and Webster, of course. I love finding old, cool and interesting words and I’d love to make my own dictionary some day.

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Thanks so much Aaron for taking time to share a bit more of your history with me and your book. As a PTSD’er myself (though non-war related), sometimes just getting through those tough days make us a hero in our own stories.

While overseas, Marshall earned the Purple Heart for wounds received in battle and the ARCOM with Valor.

💜You can find Aaron's book at Barnes & Noble or Lulu. 

💜Follow him on Instagram and Facebook

Whether you or a loved one is dealing with a crisis or on-going mental health condition, additional support is available at the following links below:

USA:  https://nami.org/

Canada https://cmha.ca/

Worldwide: https://www.ispn-psych.org/mental-health-links

Break The Cycle: He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

Photo by Melissa F. Arditti

There is a time and a place for everything and so let me preface by saying that this blog is not meant to discourage anyone from buying a bouquet of flowers for their loved one or slamming the notion that the purchase of flowers equates abuse.

This is only through the words of a survivor on what it feels like being in an abusive situation and the symbolism of what “flowers” can represent.

It is well-known that males (and to be inclusive - as well as those who identify as something else) experience abuse too in many different forms. Specifically for men, it is often under-reported and many feel ashamed from a societal point of view to ever come forward. It is slow change to break the stigma that men are still viewed as “disposable.”  They are not and need protection as well.

This writing is from a female perspective. In the end, you can find the strength. You make the choice to leave and walk away, or you choose to give someone else the power and be carried away.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

The feeling of anxiety creeps up as another long day at work is now over. The familiar footsteps are heard, as the keys rattle the door, and you brace yourself because it all begins again.

You feel the quiver, as his lips touch your cheek.

"These are for you."

He hands you the most beautiful arrangement of flowers.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I promise.”

He gives you that reassuring smile and you look up at him with doe eyes and in a split second, he has you hooked.

You believe him. He loves you. Everything this time will be okay.  He’s changed.

Another lonely night. He won’t call or text, or let you know when he’ll be home. You look at your flowers laying on the floor. You remember his words, they echo in your ears.

“You’re stupid.”
“You’re worthless.” 
“What good are you to me?”

You get down on both knees and start cleaning up the shattered glass vase he broke right in front of you. Tears stream down your face and for the first time now, you can feel the sting, the burn of his forceful slap against the cheek he kissed you on which seemed like only days ago.

He finally comes home.  You grow angrier. You muster the courage to tell him to leave and that you won’t put up with his behaviour anymore.

He begs you to stay and gets down on one knee and sobs uncontrollably. He tells you:

“It won’t happen again,  I’m really sorry.” 
“You can’t leave me. I’ll die without you.”

You forgive him.  He’ll change. He promised you.

You look in the mirror and notice your matching bruises. One starts to fade and another appears, and another and another... In the corner of your eye, you see another set of flowers. You close the bathroom light and go over to the vase and smell the aroma of fresh cut flowers. A note is attached:

“I’m sorry, I love you.”

The words I love you hit you like a ton of bricks. You feel validated and you know he’s sorry. This is just a rough patch, you’ll get through it. He’s a good person. Maybe you need to try harder.

That familiar voice inside your head screams out: Maybe you just need to leave.

Terrified he may find you.
Wishing things could go back to how they once were.
Scared of being alone.
No one to trust.
Afraid of not having anywhere to go. 

"It was the hope of all we might have been, that fills me with the hope to wish impossible things."

-The Cure, To Wish Impossible Things

You make the choice to listen and never look back.

Now they will finally hear you.

“Another ditch in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on. And the years pass by so fast, wonder how I ever made it through.” 

- Savage Garden, Two Beds and a Coffee Machine

The act of giving or receiving flowers can represent a slew of positive emotions. When someone is sick, sunflowers can brighten their day, a big accomplishment deserves some and take note that even a simple apology might warrant your favourite flowers. There is also the notion of flowers for no reason, which can be a delight to somebody you appreciate, respect and love.

Flowers are not meant to be used as a manipulative tool but it is sadly a very common occurrence in many abusive relationships and if you’re a hopeful romantic, sometimes it is those small gestures that keep you hooked into the cycle. Those vibrant beauties are warped into representing ugliness and for the abuser, gives permission to physically or sexually assault, threaten the worth of the other person, and ultimately gain complete and total control so that you cannot ever leave. Crocodile tears are often part of the never-ending cycle that fills you full of guilt and willing to give yet another chance.

"You have no power over me!" Labyrinth

If you or someone you love is struggling with an abusive situation, here are some resources to help guide you in right direction. Note these are local resources to the Windsor-Essex area, but you can follow the links on the website to access information and find out how you can get assistance in your designated location.

https://www.wrh.on.ca/SADVTC

https://www.hiatushouse.com/services.html

https://windsoressex.cmha.ca/
24-Hour Crisis Line: 519-973-4435

ABC's OF SELF CARE & PAIN MANAGEMENT

“We are meant to move” echoes through my head every day. After starting  physiotherapy, I realize the importance of posture and movement on a daily basis. No matter how much you can do, some sort of movement is better than being completely sedentary.

Although I struggle a great deal with mental health issues, especially health anxiety, I am always reminded not to always take life too seriously. Life is full of uncertainty and we cannot control everything. It’s a tough pill to swallow. The more we try and control the uncontrollable, the worse our bodies and minds become. We get into a perpetual state of fear. It is true that good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. I think a prime example is the Las Vegas tragedy. Were the innocent people at the wrong place at the wrong time? Maybe...but still, many people will continue to travel there and even stay at the hotel, not really even thinking twice about it. Does that mean they don’t care? Of course not, it just means that these events do not dictate their happiness. I know getting in that mind frame is easier said than done, trust me, but let’s just focus on today because we have minimal control over what happens tomorrow.

I compiled my own little ABC self care and pain survival note that I hope some may find helpful.  It has some of my quirky side in there and I tried to address aspects of physical, emotional and spiritual distress.

You can print this out for a daily reminder, keep it in your email folder or phone. Feel free to share  this post too!

THE ABC’s OF PAIN MANAGEMENT

Accept responsibility. This is a big one, as we often blame external factors which make us even more depressed.

Believe in yourself.  I know...a bunch of new-age mumbo-jumbo, but feeling good about yourself can really boost your serotonin levels, which greatly affects mood. 

Calm down.  Many of us who battle with pain tend to panic a lot and a few deep breaths can make a world of difference. As Drew Barrymore said, in the film Ever After, "Just Breathe."

De-clutter.  Whether it’s one room at a time, get rid of stuff you don’t need. Sell, donate, give to friends. Surrounding yourself with clutter keeps you stuck. It's like having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth permanently.

Engage in meaningful friendships. I think this speaks for itself. If you have a friend who always calls you for help, but never checks in to see how you’re doing, probably best to let that person go. Yes, we all lead busy lives, but a simple “hey i’m thinking of ya” goes a long way. 

F*ck it!  Yep, sometimes it’s okay to admit defeat and throw your covers over your head and call it a day.

Get away from technology. It's tough, but well worth it to just put your electronics aside for even a few hours. Establish a routine to close down your devices. Unless you have a job that requires you to be constantly connected (if so, maybe it's time to consider a career switch if that is a main stressor for you) no one is going to hate you for missing a "like" on a post about their dinner foodie pic or newest outfit. If they do, you better get a new circle of friends.

Hold on. Whether you’re an amateur cook or like to dabble in photography, find time to do something you are passionate about, so you can hold onto those memories.

Invest. I’m not talking about stocks, but your own well-being. Get that check-up that you've been putting off for months, treat yourself to a therapeutic massage, take a bubble bath, whatever makes you feel good.

Jump around.  Again, movement people!

Kill time. When you’re in pain, it feels like a single day can just drag on. Stop looking at the clock and maybe play a few rounds of Candy Crush. By the time you know it, it will be night time. That game is SO addictive!

Laugh.  Often we cry too much, so how about a few good laughs, eh?

Make a sandwich. Seems odd, I know, but your body may be reacting because its simply hungry.

Naked time.  Any form of intimacy can benefit us, from a simple snuggle to orgasmic pleasure.

Observe your surroundings. Being mindful can help ease stress and won't leave you in a state of chaos and confusion.

Praise yourself. Not everything can get done in a day when you’re unwell. Your to-do list may be a mile long but accomplishing just one thing can feel very rewarding. 

Quit it.  Don’t beat yourself up over things that are totally out of your control.

Relax. Sometimes our bodies are just screaming for us to RELAX. Frankie knows.

Sleep.  The benefits are endless when you are able to have a good night’s rest. Zzzzz

Turn up the music! Play your favourite artist/band. Abba never put anyone in a bad mood.  

Understand this too shall pass. Wise words and very true.

Volunteer. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that I am making a difference in someone’s life. I am proud to be part of  CMHA.  Whether it’s a weekly, monthly, or whenever you can commitment, give back to your community.

Wake up.  Yesterday sucked, but today is another day, right? Right.

X - plain yourself. None of us are mind-readers and brain-fog is damn real, so clear communication is essential.

Yes! You don’t have to always be a “yes man” but from time to time, say yes to a new experience.

Zip it.  We can all have mean streaks, but words can really sting. Sometimes, especially if you know someone is going through a really rough patch, instead of lashing out, walk away and enjoy the silence.

**As always, what works for one may not help another. Be mindful and choose your self-care activities that work for YOU.