Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts

Voices Carry: She Said Movie Review

 



She Said, directed by Maria Schrader takes investigative journalism to another level, as New York Times journalists Megan Twohey (played by Carey Mulligan) and Jodi Kantor (played by Zoe Kazan) spearhead a story that would finally give women a voice to speak out about their experiences against one of most affluent Hollywood producers, Harvey Weinstein.

It is no surprise that powerful men often feel that they are in a position to have the upper hand and can use many forms of coercive control to get what they want.  The word “narcissist” is a word that is well-known in our vocabulary, but until we witness this behaviour, it only scratches the surface of what a person with this type of personality disorder can be capable of.  

The portrayal of Harvey in this film is chilling. It is a mirrored reflection of many men (in this particular case, but can be applied to any gender, of course) who believe they will never be caught because they are under a delusion that they are untouchable. We are reminded that as this case unfolds, the illusion of this idea is deeply flawed.  

The mix of emotions here is strong, as recollections of events are told and of course all the loop holes that impede justice. There is no linear path sometimes for conviction, which is frustrating and we can see the pursuit for the truth is painstakingly hard. We hold an uneasy feeling of wondering if justice will ever prevail. 

I thought this film was executed very well and Mulligan and Kazan’s performances exposed their character’s emotions in a raw way that didn’t take away from the story itself, but actually made it stronger. There is always risk to revealing dark secrets when evidence is not clear cut, but the phrase often used of “he said, she said” doesn’t apply here as all the pieces come together and we get to see more people come out of the shadows and one of the most prolific New York Time stories published that can never be unseen.

Some may feel that Weinstein was just another victim of his earlier life circumstances, plagued by mental illness and the incredible pressures of the Hollywood lifestyle. These and many other factors allowed for his behaviours to be overlooked and unnoticed. 

She Said is a liberating film to watch and as I reflected, I thought of a song that I loved to karaoke. It is called Voices Carry – by 'Til Tuesday with an empowering chorus “hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry” which can be an anthem sung loudly for women (or any person for that matter) who has experienced the devastating and often long-standing wounds of abuse.  



💜Resources to reach out to:

Support links- Ontario

Canadian Mental Health

National organizations




More Than 9 Lives: A Street Cat Named Bob Movie Review



Addiction doesn’t just come in the form of drugs and alcohol, it is prominent in food, gamblingsocial media, religion, etc... We can be addicted to just about anything. How far that goes depends on many factors that each of us are ultimately held responsible for. 

A single thought can be harmless. However, it often begins this way. You may have a genetic predisposition or you may not, but when a triggering event, or multiple ones happen over time, a pseudo-harmless thought can spiral into chaos. Nothing begins to matter anymore. It's just you and the addiction. 

The intense craving and the inability to think about anything else but feeding our addiction takes over our already fragile mind. We give into the euphoria, even if it’s for a split second to feel the illusion of happiness, and then we are warped back into reality, stricken with grief, depression, shame, and all the other unpleasant feelings that lead us desperately again into our next high. The cycle continues until we can let go or we sadly die trying. In our minds, we feel that if we are not actively pursuing our addiction, we are forever lost.

I was inspired to write about our viewing of A Street Cat Named Bob, a best-selling international book made into film. It is based on the true story of James Bowen, a heroin addict who fatefully meets a four-legged ginger cat, who affectionately  becomes known as his life-saving furry pal, Bob.   Bring on the tissues!

Luke Treadaway plays the role of James, a heroin addict who is facing the same fate as his friend Baz, who has overdosed for the last time. Trying to withstand the pressures of getting one more hit in, repairing his relationship with his father and somehow rebuilding his life, one night, James finds a four-legged cat rustling around in the hallway and that’s really where the story begins to take shape. 

There is such a beautiful bond that forms and although not everyone’s journey is like James, it gives a sense of hope. Another heartfelt part of the movie is James’ unlikely human friendship and brief love interest with Betty (played by Ruta Gedmintas), James’s quirky and lovable neighbour. She is not all rainbows and sunshine though. Underneath, she is still holding onto grief from her brother’s death, and so that adds a heightened element to the story on what level of support we can honestly take on, even when witnessing such suffering. 

Healing can begin once we face our deepest wounds, but it’s a long and messy road to even feeling half alive again. For some, it takes hitting rock bottom, and for others, it can be a life of balancing the good days and any relapses that happen. We are rooting for James all the way through this film, to at least be given the chance to live out loud with confidence again, as he is working so damn hard through every obstacle tossed his way - totally relatable on some level? Heck ya.

The movie shows many barriers that addicts will continue to face, as well as the toxic “not in my backyard” phenomena that exists especially with recovery involving methadone hubs and harm reduction clinics in residential areas. There are plenty of moments as well where the human condition is explored through the loving relationship that James has with Bob, his ginger cat that won’t leave his side and makes him feel seen, where alone busking on the streets of London, others would make James feel invisible.

Our connections with humans can be limited but there is something extra special about the love shared that is also evidence-based between humans and animals.

The music is also a high point in the movie, as we see this guitar strumming bloke, riding his bike with a cat on his shoulder bringing smiles and hope to all that pass by. Satellite Moments is truly special, along with Second Time Around and Don't Give Up

If you can take anything from this film, it is the fact that sometimes helping to save someone else’s life, ends up saving ours too.  




*Sadly, Bob passed away in 2020 but will never be forgotten




Break The Cycle: He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

Photo by Melissa F. Arditti

There is a time and a place for everything and so let me preface by saying that this blog is not meant to discourage anyone from buying a bouquet of flowers for their loved one or slamming the notion that the purchase of flowers equates abuse.

This is only through the words of a survivor on what it feels like being in an abusive situation and the symbolism of what “flowers” can represent.

It is well-known that males (and to be inclusive - as well as those who identify as something else) experience abuse too in many different forms. Specifically for men, it is often under-reported and many feel ashamed from a societal point of view to ever come forward. It is slow change to break the stigma that men are still viewed as “disposable.”  They are not and need protection as well.

This writing is from a female perspective. In the end, you can find the strength. You make the choice to leave and walk away, or you choose to give someone else the power and be carried away.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


He Won’t Buy You Flowers Anymore

The feeling of anxiety creeps up as another long day at work is now over. The familiar footsteps are heard, as the keys rattle the door, and you brace yourself because it all begins again.

You feel the quiver, as his lips touch your cheek.

"These are for you."

He hands you the most beautiful arrangement of flowers.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I promise.”

He gives you that reassuring smile and you look up at him with doe eyes and in a split second, he has you hooked.

You believe him. He loves you. Everything this time will be okay.  He’s changed.

Another lonely night. He won’t call or text, or let you know when he’ll be home. You look at your flowers laying on the floor. You remember his words, they echo in your ears.

“You’re stupid.”
“You’re worthless.” 
“What good are you to me?”

You get down on both knees and start cleaning up the shattered glass vase he broke right in front of you. Tears stream down your face and for the first time now, you can feel the sting, the burn of his forceful slap against the cheek he kissed you on which seemed like only days ago.

He finally comes home.  You grow angrier. You muster the courage to tell him to leave and that you won’t put up with his behaviour anymore.

He begs you to stay and gets down on one knee and sobs uncontrollably. He tells you:

“It won’t happen again,  I’m really sorry.” 
“You can’t leave me. I’ll die without you.”

You forgive him.  He’ll change. He promised you.

You look in the mirror and notice your matching bruises. One starts to fade and another appears, and another and another... In the corner of your eye, you see another set of flowers. You close the bathroom light and go over to the vase and smell the aroma of fresh cut flowers. A note is attached:

“I’m sorry, I love you.”

The words I love you hit you like a ton of bricks. You feel validated and you know he’s sorry. This is just a rough patch, you’ll get through it. He’s a good person. Maybe you need to try harder.

That familiar voice inside your head screams out: Maybe you just need to leave.

Terrified he may find you.
Wishing things could go back to how they once were.
Scared of being alone.
No one to trust.
Afraid of not having anywhere to go. 


"It was the hope of all we might have been, that fills me with the hope to wish impossible things."

You make the choice to listen and never look back.

Now they will finally hear you.

“Another ditch in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on. And the years pass by so fast, wonder how I ever made it through.” 

The act of giving or receiving flowers can represent a slew of positive emotions. When someone is sick, sunflowers can brighten their day, a big accomplishment deserves some and take note that even a simple apology might warrant your favourite flowers. There is also the notion of flowers for no reason, which can be a delight to somebody you appreciate, respect and love.

Flowers are not meant to be used as a manipulative tool but it is sadly a very common occurrence in many abusive relationships and if you’re a hopeful romantic, sometimes it is those small gestures that keep you hooked into the cycle. Those vibrant beauties are warped into representing ugliness and for the abuser, gives permission to physically or sexually assault, threaten the worth of the other person, and ultimately gain complete and total control so that you cannot ever leave. Crocodile tears are often part of the never-ending cycle that fills you full of guilt and willing to give yet another chance.

"You have no power over me!" Labyrinth


If you or someone you love is struggling with an abusive situation, here are some resources to help guide you in right direction. Note these are local resources to the Windsor-Essex area, but you can follow the links on the website to access information and find out how you can get assistance in your designated location.

https://www.wrh.on.ca/SADVTC

https://www.hiatushouse.com/services.html

https://windsoressex.cmha.ca/
24-Hour Crisis Line: 519-973-4435

KC Jockey: Wonder How I Ever Made It Through


“It will never happen again…I promise.”

“I was having a bad day.”

“You made me angry.”

“You’re worthless.”

You already know the statistics, yet domestic violence continues to escalate worldwide for many reasons, including the fact that a majority of abuse is never reported. Both men and women suffer sometimes for years in abusive relationships (physically, emotionally/mentally and spiritually) hoping that someday they will find a way out of their situation.

The worst part is that your friends and family see it, but you don’t. There always seems to be that inkling of hope that things will get better. Maybe it’s all your fault and if you need to try harder. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months drift into years and you’re still wearing those baggy clothes to hide those “Everything is okay, I was clumsy” bruises and/or trying to justify why you need “permission” to go out. Eventually, you succumb to the fact that this is how it will always be and you don’t deserve anything or anyone better.

While females are the focus of this article, males are also subject to many forms of abuse so no one is immune.

I can name a dozen musicians off the top of my head that have either experienced abuse or witnessed it. Music has a way of expressing our deepest pain through meaningful lyrics and also through the power of visual media.

An incredible artist, KC Jockey, born in Jamaica and now living in Brooklyn NY is on a mission to get people talking about domestic violence. After the tragedy of losing his mother, he created “Sweet Sadie Productions” in honour of her.

I felt very compelled to share his newest song “Girl You’re Free” with everyone. Yes, the title is self-explanatory, but the message needs to sink into all those wonderful women who need reminders that they can exist without their abusive partner. Life can begin again, better and brighter than ever before.


The video does pack an emotional punch for anyone who has seen a loved one or even gone through abuse. KC’s intentions are genuine and there’s no gimmick here to what he is trying to accomplish. After seeing what his mother went through and what countless numbers of women deal with every day, he has the highest respect for women. KC truly hopes that his on-going campaign “Say NO to Domestic Violence” will reach people and let them know that they are not alone and do have the strength to break the cycle of abuse. Freedom doesn’t always have to come at a deadly price.

The music video you can check out was shot in Atlanta by Yolande Geralds, a California director who has created videos for artists like Usher and Omarion.

After being in abusive relationships, it’s often difficult to get past the word “victim.” It almost feels like a jail sentence that you cannot escape from. What’s even harder to believe, if you’re fortunate to get away, is that you’re also a survivor, and as KC’s song states “Girl You’re Free.”