A Colourful Adult Life: Adult Colouring Books

I remember back when...  Oh why do we always start sentences like that? As we write those four words, there is an immediate wave of emotion that hits us, well, it does for me. I sigh, get a little weepy and then realize it's OK to long for the past, especially when these moments were really pleasant. I just know that I cannot dwell on them because no matter what Zoltar fortune teller machine (remember the movie BIG?)  I wish actually existed (obviously in the opposite way to stay young!) or the countless times I could chant what age I want to be again, like in 13 Going On 30, reality sets in and I cannot turn back the hands of time.

It's refreshing that in adulthood a lot of us can enjoy the simple pleasures of colouring, drawing, and even playing with Legos! There's no "right" age for anything, although it's funny when suggested ages on toys or colouring books state "ages 5 and up" and here I am tickled pink that i'm enjoying them too at age...37! 

I realize that for a while and still today in 2018, the adult colouring book is a very "trendy" hobby. I dislike some trends to be honest because they can be so disposable. Once it becomes "uncool" to do something, to wear a certain style or to eat a particular food, there is this sudden amount of guilt that you need to change and not like these things anymore. Why? Who made those rules? Oh ya, society. If i'm into something, why do I have to just pretend it doesn't exist or add value to my life?  Well hate to break the news to ya, but i'm not going to wear triple high-waisted jeans, i'm not going to brush my teeth with activated charcoal, nor am I going to start drinking kombucha with every meal.  Now in case you are starting to get offended or already feel offended, try to step away from that frame of thinking for a moment. These are current "trends" i'm mentioning, so if you love your triple high waisted jeans, wear them with pride! 

Back to colouring.  Recently while going for a trip to Dollarama with Bill, we were walking around and just needed to pick up "a snack." This of course usually turns into a walk-about throughout the store.  I didn't buy the colouring book on the basis that "everyone is doing it, so I should too," but for the simple reason of trying to add more self-care into my life. The last few months have been difficult. February was quite a bit of a sh!t storm to say the least, and sadly I am dealing with some pretty persistent nerve discomfort/damage along my spine and neck, which has come with an array of symptoms, so managing my stress has been paramount.

Adult colouring does have some scientific evidence. As always, not one hobby fits all. If you recall, when my dad got sick, adult-colouring was recommended to help in his recovery. He tried it a few times, but I honestly don't think it meshed with his interests. Here are a few benefits that have been noted though:

• Helps to relieve anxiety and stress (who couldn't use a bit of that?) 
• Promotes concentration
• Allows you to be "present" in the moment, similar to meditation 
• Relaxes the amygdala  due to the repetitive motion

I've been setting aside time away to do a little Colour Therapy. I find it quite enjoyable and it does help to a certain extent for me to get out panic mode and be in a calmer state. This is the first book I'm working on:

Book and coloured pencils

All finished

Working on this one now

You can  find hundreds of different books online at Amazon and other retailers. Also, just Google "adult colouring sheets" and if you prefer, you can print them out as well.

Feel free to e-mail me some of your lovely colouring creations, or just leave me a note on my blog, letting me know what kinds of hobbies you enjoy to tackle stress and how you find a bit more peace in your everyday life.

Happy colouring! 

CMHA/Arts & Cultural Alliance: Healing The Creative Soul

Bill and I share a lot of "firsts" together and I wanted to post about attending our first art class together!  It was very therapeutic and a really great way to showcase our individual artistic talents.

Our community has a lot of excellent workshops that I didn't even know about and it seems like these events are very well-attended.  They even have ones geared for specific age demographics.

A wonderful resource for mental health: Canadian Mental Health Association

Click the link to see when the next workshop takes place: Arts & Cultural Alliance of Windsor

The teacher showing us what we would be painting

Having fun before class started
All supplies were provided too!

Okay so I started off following instructions, and then somehow I felt inspired to create my own piece of work and just rolled with it. No one minded and I received a lot of compliments afterwards.

My finished painting. 

 

Bill is quite the artist! Beautiful work. 

We have both of these paintings hung up upstairs in the hallway. :)

The Kegel Dilemma: Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

For those of us who have chronically tight muscles, do kegels help or harm our condition? Common sense tells me that if you try and tighten an already restrictive area, it will cause more tension, but others stress that some that have tight pelvic muscles also have weak areas, in which kegels assist in strengthening the pelvic floor overall.

Pelvic Floor Info

The pain that a lot of us with PFD have can be excruciating at times. It's like a rubber band is tied to your abdomen, hips and pelvis and it won't let go. It's still a mystery as to what causes this. Some professionals in various fields of study state sexual abuse or other traumatic stressful events can contribute because many hold onto the pain and tighten up as defense or safety mechanism, others say it's an abnormality at birth, physical trauma, and the list goes on and on. Whatever the reason(s) may be, I know that this condition is physically and mentally draining.


I have good days and bad days. We take for granted simple every day occurrences like having a normal bowel movement or just putting on pants! Until you are not able to do these things properly, it doesn't really enter your mind. I miss the days of being able to wear tights or even a bathing suit. I haven't gone swimming in years and I used to love being in the water. Anything too tight against me feels like a knife. Sometimes I catch myself staring a little too long at women who are wearing cute leggings. I'm not a creep, I swear, i'm just envious of your abilities to wear what I can't.

After going through a plethora of testing, my last MRI came back all clear and so my gastro doc said that I should try physiotherapy again because based on my symptoms, my muscles are probably not contracting properly and I need the "internal" work.  I am doing a number of other things, which I can discuss later in another blog.

I will say that finding someone who specializes in PFD here in Windsor, Ontario has been a struggle. I've scoured website after website and only found 2.  I'm at a loss that if this is such a common condition, why aren't there more therapists offering the service in the area? Probably because most of us don't want to talk about it. When you have back/knee/leg pain, everyone gets it, but intimate areas, you kind of shy away from discussing. I get it, but maybe if we did talk more about this, we can educate others and reduce the number of misdiagnoses.  I know when I look up London and the surrounding areas, and even as far as Toronto, i'm floored with the number of options available for both men and women!

I was told the Pelvic Floor Rehabilitation program includes the following:

"Treatments are both internal and external to completely evaluate the pelvic floor muscles as well as the surrounding joints ( pelvis, back and hip) and other muscles (gluts, IT band etc.). She also evaluates the abdominal muscles as this can lead to causing more pain and tightening of the pelvic floor muscles and transversus (abdominal muscles) if the smaller muscles are not firing properly." 

I am hopeful with physiotherapy they can help me and get my body to an optimal level. It will take time, I know this, but i'm curious for their full assessment. A silly goal, but one that I have hoped for is to be able to touch my toes without bending my knees.  Again, another thing that most people can do without hesitation, but for me, my body says "nope, sorry Mel, not going to happen." I try to challenge my mind, but it can be stubborn as a mule.

I am certainly learning more about my body than ever before, which is a good thing. The mind/body connection is strong. I know that movement is very important. Learning to live with limitations has been very difficult, as I used to be such a different person. I also want to gain weight because throughout this ordeal over the last while, my eating patterns have been complicated. There are so many "weight loss" programs but I never ever see anything for healthy weight gain for those who are petite like me.

Again, it seems like everyone has the answers for weight loss and we empathize, but the moment someone is approached asking how they can gain weight, you get the snickers and rolled eyes. We're cast aside because we don't have problems like those who are obese, we're not "real" women anyhow. Size 0's don't matter.  I don't go out my way to ostracize or belittle you, but you can do that to me?  I love how the shaming goes. I love the hypocrisy.

Such a disgraceful meme, but with a pretty awesome response:

TRUTH

From my experience, very few can suggest gradual weight gain that doesn't involve drinking enormous amounts of protein shakes and eating stacks of perogies and fattening high caloric foods. So you go from one extreme to the other, feeling just as miserable or even more so, adding on other health issues that go along with being overweight! Anyhow, I digress, but that is a topic which really aggravates me to no end.

With chronic conditions, we're very hypersensitive to a lot of sensations throughout our bodies. I can feel digestive distress far more than the average person and when I have spasms and no one else can feel them, it makes me wonder, is this all in my head? I try to shake that thought because no, it's not all in my head. Yes, stress exacerbates the symptoms, but my pain is damn real and it hurts.

I know that I wouldn't have gotten this far without the amazing support of my family, fiancé and his mom, as well as the genuine friends who have stuck by me that I can now only count on my fingers. They are my guides and i'm grateful for them.

Cold Play - Fix You

So that's where we are on my health journey! I truly appreciate all the support. I will update again soon.

*Note: with pdf, you can have the opposite and experience very weak muscles, especially after child-birth. I am only discussing the condition as it applies to those who have chronic tightness

Healing Through Neuro Biofeedback

A single red tulip stands alone. Photo by Melissa Arditti.

Lucy disappeared for a while, but now she is back. It was a little disheartening, but therapy of any sort can be very draining, both on the physical and emotional level.

As much as she wanted to tell me about all the progress she was making, those feelings were stuck and it was only this week that she contacted me and mentioned that she was ready to chat with me about her on-going experiences with Neuro Biofeedback.

Twenty-five sessions have been completed now. After starting off at two times per week, and then once a week, Lucy is now going for treatment once every two weeks.

The gradual decrease in sessions needed to be monitored closely because this is not a therapy that you just quit cold turkey. It can be very detrimental and so it was agreed upon that this would be the next step.

Once the autumn season rolls around, Lucy feels confident that once a month will be enough. This gives her the opportunity to receive not only the psychological assistance by talking about any conflicts that go on and how to deal with them effectively, but also incorporate the customized program, and work on her elevated brain activity levels of functioning with eyes closed.

Specifically, there have been some big improvements in a few areas of her life; one of those involving sleep.
We all know that if we don’t get a significant amount of restful sleep per night, we are groggy and irritable, and our energy levels are depleted. Caffeine only takes us so far and then we crash. Think of someone who has post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), along with general anxiety; this makes a pleasant sleep virtually impossible because the mind does not want to shut off.

However, there is a meditative state that Lucy feels when she is working on her program that calms her nerves, if not right away, then within a few trials. The annoying ‘racing brain’ seems to be at a pace that is tolerable now.

Lucy has been feeling pretty well, most days. Her anxiety has reduced in a significant way, which was shown through the brain activity on the screen, and she hasn't had a full-blown panic-attack for months. Sure, she still does have some crying spells and those pesky triggers, but she can get through them much easier now.

“I like waking up most days where I am not drenched in sweat from nightmares or anxiety. Feeling like my heart is beating through my chest and having visible shakes because of stress is one of the worst feelings ever,” she said.

The Neuro Bio-Feedback center is amazing here in Windsor, and I can’t help but tell more people about it. Of course, they are skeptical, and rightfully so, but aside from various studies that are favourable to this method of therapy, the proof for me remains in the changes that I see with my own eyes.

People with mental illness often feel isolated from the rest of the world, so amongst the beautiful yellow tulips, a single red tulip stands alone. This unique perspective can be turned into a positive image though that represents how we can embrace our life circumstances, no matter how difficult they may be.

I will leave you with a quote that says a lot about how powerful inner and outer transformation can be with the right support.

“It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” – Richard Evans

Neuro Biofeedback: A Blessing For The Brain

If you have been following my exclusive series on Neuro Biofeedback, we’re now at the stage with Lucy where she is going through actual treatment. She has needed some time in between sessions to rest, and so I have been patient, while still staying supportive from afar.

It’s quite amazing to watch brain waves fluctuate on screen, during a Neuro Biofeedback session. Sitting in front of a computer with electrodes attached to your scalp doesn't seem like the most comfortable feeling in the world, but in fact, once you do it a few times, it becomes routine. Lucy knows the drill now, so when she arrives, there are no surprises. After setting up, Lucy is able to discuss any events that have caused issues for her since the last time she had a session, or the psychologist may want to delve into a subject that has previously caused distress, in hopes of releasing pent up feelings. Lucy told me that “It’s really helpful to use talk-therapy in conjunction with bio-feedback because then I can just fully relax and get in sync with the program.” She told me though that “talking about my past trauma’s is still very difficult and there is a box of Kleenex that is set out for me because even to this day, the stuff I thought I was properly dealing with still seem to be impacting my present life.”

After a bit of talking, a bunch of buttons are clicked and adjustments are made, and she’s good to go with the brain activities. Someone is always present (one of the two psychologists, they rotate depending on schedules) to ensure her comfort, and to monitor progress or any changes that need modification. The main goal is to reduce the heightened brain wave activity in the theta/beta range for Lucy and going on her 7th sessions now, it has reduced her anxiety dramatically. “When my time is up, I feel a sense of calmness that I haven’t experienced in a long time and it is starting to last longer and longer. I am even sleeping better without waking up drenched in sweat.”

As stated in my last article, every program is customized to meet the needs of the individual, based on the brain mapping results. During a single session, Lucy is given several breaks for a few minutes because it’s important to give the brain a rest in these circumstances, instead of doing trial after trial. Without giving too much away here, Lucy’s tasks involve trying to lower her brain wave pattern activity as much as possible by focusing and also listening to certain sound patterns, both with her eyes open and closed. If you came into the room while she was in a session, you’d wonder why she is just staring hypnotically at a screen, but there is constant brain activity happening on deeper levels.

Although Lucy is still experiencing episodes of panic and anxiety, I can tell just by talking to her that she is making huge strides. She did have a little bit of a set back a few nights ago where she recalls, “it was like a terrifying moment where I just felt so dizzy and fearful that I had to leave the situation, but instead of beating myself up about it like I would before, I just realized that this is a temporary glitch and I am safe now.”

With her medical coverage just about to run out, Lucy realizes that there are going to be some tough times ahead, but she is confident that this was a better investment than anything else. Knowing that many people are facing similar issues, a reduced rate will be discussed next time she’s in, which is so hopeful for not just Lucy, but anyone who is considering Neuro Biofeedback, who cannot afford the high cost of these treatments. There is a lot of time that is put into every patient’s experience and so accountability for the psychologists services are a must, but it’s great to know that they have a human side too and realize that with government cuts and only a small portion of money aside from insurance companies, accommodations can be made. “I am not considered mentally ill enough to be put on disability, but I’m not well enough either to function like I see people my age, so before knowing this, I felt kind of like a rock stuck in a hard place.”

Lucy has begun to blossom into the woman that I knew was underneath all the pain. It’s not an easy road, especially with so many dissolving friendships along the way, but her core support system has been unwavering. When I asked her what she sees in the mirror now when she looks at herself, Lucy tells me “I see the beauty that comes after the breakdown.”

Neuro-Minded: Insight into Neuro-Biofeedback

Have you ever felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders? For many people, this statement can be taken to heart. Problems exist in everyday life and some may be as insignificant as a hang nail or be as catastrophic as a terrible life-changing accident. Most view stress as simply an inconvenience and have the ability to move on. They can go grocery shopping with ease, have regularly scheduled medical appointments, socialize with friends, and even travel.

However, there is a darker side to stress that cripples both the body and mind. It eats away at reality and harbours the most painful memories, to the point where functioning is grossly impaired. Sometimes you’re okay and no one would ever suspect you had an issue, and other times, for no apparent reason, you’re whipped into a mind-set of uncontrollable fear and panic that takes over. You try and stop it by using all the different techniques, but nothing helps and so when the episode finally ends, all you want to do is cry because of how physically and emotionally exhausted you feel inside.

Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder is real and not an imaginary condition. It’s not an illness that only war veterans suffer from, it could plague your neighbour, parent, sibling, or even your partner. With the amazing advances in modern medicine, Neuro-Biofeedback is a technique used by many professionals to help people who suffer from a wide range of conditions and it is available here in in many places, including my home town of Windsor, Ontario. Many doctors are proponents of this form of therapy and have seen great results from their patients, along with psychological counselling, and without the long-term use of medication (which often can be more harmful because of the nasty side effects).

I am fortunate to bring my readers some insight into this procedure, by following a woman through Neuro-Biofeedback. To preserve her dignity, she has asked me not to disclose her name, due to the fact that she is worried that she’ll lose any chance of gaining future employment, and the stigma it will bring to her older children/family, since not everyone understands and may see her in a negative light.

However, she was touched that I reached out to her and I have committed myself to documenting her progress until her sessions are done. So, we came up with the name of “Lucy,” named after icon Lucille Ball, whom she admires greatly. She’s excited, yet a little nervous to be sharing, but feels happy for a chance to get her life back on track. I also note that you’ll be able to get an idea of what goes on, but the main purpose is the content you will read from her personal feelings after each session. If you are interested in the actual barebones, it makes sense to book a consultation with someone who specializes in this form of therapy.

So what’s next? Lucy washes her hair with baby shampoo to get ready for her first “brain-mapping” session.

Stay tuned.