Coping with Cancer One Day At A Time

Respecting my family's wishes to keep things private does not always work well, especially when it comes to topics like this.  Thankfully, my Dad has decided to open up and share his journey, a hopeful one. I feel content that instead of writing cryptic posts on Facebook and going to meetings at Hospice for my own self-care strategies, I can express my emotions openly and honestly, like you have come to know me to do on this blog.

I am really appreciative of all the support and I hope to update again soon.

The rock I found at Hospice after my first meeting

From my Dad:  https://tecumsehcityblog.blogspot.com/2019/07/im-baaaaack.html

<Gulp> I truly did not realize that I have not written anything on my website for about three months! I knew it was a little while but, seriously, I did not think it was that long until my daughter mentioned that people were asking about me. I did want to keep things private but realized that this was taking an emotional toll on my daughter's health and so I am coming out to share some news.

Here it comes… What is going on with me these days.

Do you want to know something silly? I really was not sure how many people were actually reading my articles. It did not really matter to me if anyone came to my website at all these days because I was really writing for my own purposes as a release from some of the tension under which I was living after my illness.

I am an old guy after all and who knows how many years more I am supposed to be around here. Until fairly recently, I felt so healthy that I expected it to be a very substantial number. Surprisingly, I really do not feel much different now but my situation changed significantly after one of my normal cancer screenings. 

I have prostate cancer. 

It is an illness that many men have. It appears to be in the early stages and localized, which has a better prognosis than later stages.

It took quite a period of time from the date that I had a biopsy done, and then various other tests to confirm the diagnosis. 

So what's next for me? I am booked to see a radiation oncologist at the Cancer Center on Kildare Avenue here in Windsor in a few days for a consultation. From what I have been told, he is a wonderful man and very knowledgeable in this area. I look forward to meeting him! He will decide what treatment options are best.

There are many forms of radiation available, some which occur every day for a specified amount of time and others that are shorter in duration but more aggressive to treat the cancer cells.  I'm not a doctor, I'm a lawyer, so I will leave it up to the experts to tell me what will be most effective.

The sad part of all of this is that I hope my treatments don't affect my attendance at such an important event coming up. My daughter is getting married in September and I must walk her down the aisle. 

I hope you understand now, dear reader, what caused my Website “invisibility” and I will update again soon.

Wish me luck on my first visit this coming week. 

The Many Faces of PTSD: Stéphane Beaudin Speaks Out

 Curled up around his shoulders is Stéphane's "Angel" cat Léopold.
"He knows my schedule, and waits for me by the door.
He sits next to the tub while I take a shower and lays beside me at night."

We have all experienced traumas in our life, from a sudden illness that knocked us off our feet for a while, to dealing with some level of abuse from loved ones or even friends. Other times, we take on jobs or embark in careers that come with high amounts of stress or where one has to look death straight in the eye on a regular basis. Over time, we heal. However, some of us don’t and that’s where it gets complicated.

Try functioning “normally” with sleep-deprivation, agitation, feeling disconnected from your own body and thoughts. All those strange and usual sensations can inhibit your ability to have a fulfilling relationship or even find decent employment. Your support system can also wax and wane, leaving you feeling very isolated. These symptoms and much more can go on for days, months or even years.

Say hello to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

I would like to introduce you to Montreal-born, Stéphane Beaudin. He’s just your average guy, loves his family, full of community-spirit, and has a soft spot for political advocacy. What you don’t know is that Stéphane has a shadow that looms over him and that shadow is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (otherwise known short form as PTSD).

Stéphane has lived a tumultuous life, moving from Montreal to Windsor at a very young age, dealing with abusive relationships, bouts of poverty and more than most people could wrap their heads around. Although there were some very dark days (thankfully manageable now), these circumstances have not stopped him from fighting hard to overcome the hold that PTSD tries to grip many of our lives.

Below is my Q&A with Stéphane. 

1. Our society seems to be on stress-overload, yet it’s pretty amazing how some people are able to manage and are more resilient, while others just cannot cope and encounter debilitating anxiety and struggle with mental health conditions. When was the moment you realized that you were out of control and PTSD was taking over your life?

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I’d have to say there were many indicators that I ignored for a long time. As a child, my step-fathers were very authoritarian and abusive. I was regularly “punished” for things as simple as leaving a glass on the counter. When people did things that were “against the rules,” I would fly into a rage, especially if they were not “punished” as I was. I’m not saying this on-going abuse was the only cause of my PTSD, but it surely didn’t help.

At 17 years old, I was enlisted into the Army. My mom signed me up and I was a tank driver, and armoured reconnaissance. I was trained to locate and destroy enemy targets. During a training exercise, on of my Captains who recently got back from Serbia started to display mental health problems and became very unstable. He ended up by accident, injuring me. I decided after that incident I would become a medic. I wanted to help people like him transition back to regular life. I guess that’s when I realized what I was going through and when the healing began.

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2. What barriers have you faced in your professional and every day life and on the flip side, what strengths have you gained with having this diagnosis? 

No one knew until now what I was going through, and still dealing with on a daily basis. As one friend put it, “I put on a good show,” to which I reply, “fake it till you make it!”

It’s been a while since I left the army, but I still think like a soldier. I can’t let it get the best of me... that’s reserved for my family and friends.

I have lost good paying jobs and people sometimes think that I’m just an awkward guy trying to make friends. Truth be told, yes I am a little awkward, but that’s not always necessarily a bad thing. I do get discouraged sometimes and shut down, or become self damaging. As soon as I start to notice this pattern, I tell myself to do the opposite of what I want to do. It does help, but I find reaching out to my few close friends can really make a big difference.

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3. What are the most troubling symptoms that still occur for you and how do you deal with them?

Here’s where it gets a little dark, but this is the reality of living with PTSD. I tried to hurt myself. Not once, not twice, but three times.

First time was at the age of 16. I tried to hang myself. Before I did it, I said to myself that if there is a reason for me being here tell me now. There was no reply but the rope snapped. The second time, was a repeat of the first and happened in my early 20’s. During my third and final attempt, my cat Léopold ended up saving me. I actually hated cats, but obviously from this experience, I feel different. This little guy will be 14 years old this year. He is truly my angel.

On the days when I feel hopeless and worthless, like I can’t do anything, l I think about that day, as well as my wife and kids. It helps me get through.

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4. People who suffer with PTSD often describe some of their sensations like a TV remote that is constantly switching channels in their brain. The painful memories can often be distorted yet feel like the encounters are happening all over again. What kind of strategies do you use when you are having an attack? 

You’re right. For me, it’s like a TV show where I’m the star... the ratings are bad and some of the episodes should have never aired, but they are there, and I am playing it out, over and over again.

I found taking up different hobbies helps. Anything to get out of your head. I love gardening, and wine-making. I also like painting and enjoy volunteering my time. Of course, physical activity is really important for me, so going to the gym to workout and maintaining a proper diet really does wonders.

Another step is having someone to talk to when you see the dark cloud coming. For me, Léopold fits that category. He’s a good listener and doesn’t want to compare battle scars.

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5. What is one misconception about PTSD that you would like to put to rest? 

Well, it’s not just first responders that suffer from PTSD. The average person who has never even been to battle can suffer. We don't always need to be medicated, we need proper outlets to deal with it.

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6. What makes life worth living for you? 

My wife and kids are my world. I feel blessed to have them in my life. I will also include other family, like my aunts, uncles, siblings and parents. As I stated above, my hobbies (yup, I love my wine! Lol) and Léopold hold dear to my heart.

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Thank you Stéphane for opening up and sharing your journey with PTSD. I hope that others will have the courage and strength to keep fighting like you have in your life.

If you or a loved one is in crisis or require help in the Windsor-Essex County area, please contact any of the following:

https://windsoressex.cmha.ca/

https://www.hdgh.org/crisis

https://www.hdgh.org/transitionalstabilitycentre

Ed Arditti: MIA

Hi everyone.

I apologize for not blogging very much, however, the start of 2015 has been a rollercoaster ride for our family. I wanted to write a blog, but I haven't had the time nor the energy to put insightful or thoughtful words together. So please just bear with me.

Over the holidays, my dad fell ill with a terrible Encephalitis virus that severely attacked his brain. He was in Hotel Dieu hospital since the first of January, and finally came home on the 13th.  I know this has been devastating to everyone who knows him, including us.

Unfortunately, his cognitive abilities are rather delayed right now. He is currently taking anti-viral medications to reduce the swelling in his brain, which comes with its own side effects, but this is our best line of defense. We have around the clock care from a wonderful organization here in the city of Windsor called CCAC, from nurses to PSW's, an occupational therapist etc...

I wish that I could give more details or at least say that my beloved father is going to fully recover, but we don't know. No one seems to know specifics, it is a situation of wait-and-see, plus keeping up with blood tests, doctor's appointments and of course, monitoring any changes.

As you can imagine, this has been a very difficult time for our family, both physically and emotionally. This was not something we had anticipated and it has thrown our lives for a loop.

We appreciate all the support, deeply and truly.

I took this photo last year when we spent a nice day at the park together.

I love my Dad so much.

Navigating A Relationship Through Chronic Pain

If health issues weren’t enough to give me insomnia, I was very afraid that my relationship would just disintegrate. We’ve been together almost a year and a half, and in Bill's eyes, he tells me that I give him so much more and so that’s what our love is all about. So the wedding bells that chime in my head still have a chance of becoming a reality.

I'm going to enclose a wonderful quote that Bill found for me which I printed out and have on my desk. When i'm not able to push through the negative thinking, I read this out loud to help me get into a better frame of mind.