From a physical standpoint, I still do have pain, but it's less than when this ordeal first started. My day consists of doing many different exercises that will help with the healing process. I'm not taking any medications, except for one muscle relaxant before bedtime. I am armed with knowledge, learning more about my body and many things I can do to lead a well-balanced life. The weekly counselling/physiotherapy is helping a lot too. My Beaumont team is so awesome and supportive! No wonder they are ranked again as one of the best hospitals in so many fields, including Urology.
My life has really begun to change, although thinking about it, I guess our lives are constantly changing each and every day. However, instead of trying to forget my past, i'm in the process of finally dealing with it, and coming to terms with everything i've buried deep within me for as long as I can remember. It hurts, it is exhausting but I know I have to do this.
I look at my body and the scars remind me that I survived, but my heart doesn't quite heal as fast. I thought forgetting everything would be my salvation and I could just deal with the present but it caused more harm. So it was a valuable lesson to learn and one to try not to repeat and to always remember that "I am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else does." I'm not exactly sure of what the term love actually means to me now. I guess the feeling of acceptance and safety as well as respect, all encompasses the term.
Although it's going to be a long road for me, I am making progress. I've never really been a hare, i've always been the tortoise.
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| This flower that bloomed in the garden at home represents my ultimate goal of feeling whole again. |
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