Hot Docs: Sleepless in New York

Love is a complicated emotion that makes us do crazy things. Sometimes we are so in love that we forget ourselves. We may sacrifice our well-being and devote all our attention and energy for the hope that we’ll be loved back. When the break-up happens though, we are completely lost and left alone with only our ill thoughts of feeling like it’s the end of the world and what the hell did we do wrong to deserve this?

In the documentary, Sleepless in New York, directed by Christian Frei, we get to view broken-hearted test subject, Alley Scott, through a brief interview, followed by an MRI to understand the profound effects that rejection has on us on many levels. It was interesting to note that when you are rejected, someone could spend up to 85% of the day thinking about that person.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, studies the brain circuitry of romantic love and has coined the term “frustration attraction.” It’s when the dopamine system doesn't get what it wants, and tries even harder. So, despite all best intentions, you love who dumped you even more. It seems a bit sadistic, doesn't it?

This documentary has an extremely melancholy feel to it which suits the subject matter rather well. It does have an artistic side as well, displaying a variety of people on a busy New York subway in slow-motion. They are obviously dealing with loss, in some form or another. There is also a lot of narration from the three main people: Alley Scott, Michael Harington, and Rosey La Rouge, who intimately share their stories and don’t hold back from revealing their emotional turmoil while trying to deal with life as a single person.

At times you want to give them a big, comforting hug, and sometimes you want to shake them and say forget about that $h!t!

If you’re in a situation where you've been rejected and are looking for a few healthy coping tips, it has been suggested that the best way thing to do is to get that person out of your head entirely. This includes removing the person from all your contact lists, getting rid of photos, e-mails, old love letters, and anything that sparks a reminder or memory. Time for a clean-slate. Treat yourself well (often termed as ‘self-care’), and go out and do new things. Get a hobby or hang out with supportive friends.

It’s not an easy road when you love someone and they throw your heart away. I think we've all been there.

The connection can be so strong that it almost seems impossible to pull away. You will go to any length for one last chance, even if that means stalking that person by driving by their house multiple times a night, showing up all the time at places with the hope that your ex will be there, checking their Facebook page hundreds of times per day, and more extreme behaviours.

As we continue this path of self-destruction, we lose a little more of ourselves each and every day.

Moving on can feel impossible, no matter if you have known someone for just a single day or if you've gone as far as actually starting to build a life together. For these three tortured souls in Sleepless in New York, and really for the rest of us in the world who may be mending a broken-heart, rest assure that there is some truth to the old adage that time heals all wounds.

Technology Rant

I need to vent.

What is with the constant need to be on a cell phone or text message?! Please for my sanity, explain this to me! Seriously, is our society becoming so “connected” that everyone has to talk EVERY SINGLE second of the day? I understand for certain professions the need to be in contact, but for the rest, can you please have some respect and leave the room if you need to take a call or hold off texting while someone is actually talking to you! It is extremely rude! Recently, I experienced a woman saying “hold on a second while I wipe!” and she came out of the stall and carried on her phone conversation.

Is there no sacred time away from technology? I am guilty of being on the computer a lot but there is a limit where I need to take myself away and do something else. 

Here’s a good question that I’ve been pondering, would you actually text message during a funeral? I would be sickened personally since you are there to honour the deceased and show respect to the family, not check who poked you on Facebook!

 I won’t even get into how I would love to take away the licenses of people who have this dire need to text while driving. Pull your vehicle over and text till your hearts content! The sad part about all this, I’ve seen this happening more with young children in the car which poses an even higher risk then if you’re just alone or with other adults. 

It’s bad enough I get to catch a glimpse of women who are putting on their lipstick or mascara driving along or the funniest was a man shaving with an electric razor and almost running a red light. Too bad it wasn't a blade, he could have cut himself open and then there would be a reason for someone to use their cell phone to call the paramedics!!

I’m just thinking now about the episode on Seinfeld where George Costanza tried to get away with eating a sandwich during sex; Sex and the sandwich  I’m awaiting the day when I'll hear about someone who has experienced an incident where their partner started to text on their phone right during sex... most likely in the dark.

Replace "if you don't get off the shed" with "if you don't get off your cell phone" and I think we have an idea of what I’m feeling! SNL Shed Skit Audition (could not find the actual clip)