The A-HA moment!

 

"Heard it from a friend who...heard it from a friend who....heard from another you’ve been ..."

If you’re familiar with the classic song Take It On The Run by REO Speedwagon, you’ll know the damage that rumours can do to someone. It can ruin their professional reputation, personal life, and have a devastating ripple effect.   Still, people believe what they want to, without even a bat of an eyelash. You can show someone all the facts, all the proof, and they'll turn a blind eye.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to question someone’s integrity or intentions, especially when I’m told something that sounds so convincing and true. However, my rational brain (truly thankful for my husband who continues to help me so much with becoming a more rational person instead of letting my emotions carry me away) tells me s-t-o-p for a minute and sure enough, everything my heart wants to believe so badly is a lie, a filthy lie.  It can be heart-wrenching at times, and wrestling with the consequences of knowing. Our brains are fascinating but known to play tricks on us all the time. 

My Epiphany

I have cried more during this pandemic, out of frustration, anger,  sadness, loneliness, betrayal, the whole gamut, and it’s mainly because I wanted control over what deep down I knew I couldn’t ever control. We are all responsible for our own actions, an apology is meaningless unless you actually acknowledge your part and leave out the unhelpful  “but” response.  Hardly anyone knows how to do that, and if they do, I am the first person to give them a high five, well a virtual high five at the current time, but you get my drift.

I think the treatment we choose to accept in any part of our lives, really does hold a certain level of power. If we allow others to harm us, we lose confidence in our abilities, we lose a bit more of ourselves, and we get bitter and vengeful.  This in turn says to our body, ALERT ALERT, and our cortisol spikes and sets us up for acute issues that can definitely turn into chronic conditions.  Living proof of that.

Enlightenment came to me when I realized that it is equally healthy to accept or not accept an apology. There should be no guilt attached. Like everyone else, I am really under no order to proceed with a relationship, a friendship, a business contact, or whatever the case may be. Why? Because I set my limits, and it's finally about me, instead of worrying about what everyone else's expectations are. The only thing we can control is our reaction to what this world throws at us, and that is ultimately what gives me back my power, and maybe you too. 

One thing I will hold onto very dearly in 2022 is this quote from Mark Twain, which says it all:

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”

💕Happy holidays to my readers, and I'll see you back here in 2022.  

Dating: You Said I Wasn't Your Kind, Only Here For The Ride

I recently met a man who told me that “the worst punishment anyone can be faced with in life is loneliness. We need air to breathe, food to keep our bodies working, and companionship to feel alive. He believed that “no man (or woman) is an island.” He didn’t mention anything about sex, which was very surprising, as it is human nature to have those needs, but I allowed him to continue.

“Sex is important in a relationship,” he blatantly told me. “To be intimate, to make love with another is a wonderful feeling, so don’t get me wrong there, but it’s not everything.” When he said “it’s not everything” those words seemed to echo in my head. “Having someone to share some good conversation with over a cup of coffee and to explore all the beauty that life has to offer together, holds more value in the end, my dear lady.”

I thought about all the people who have faced terrible illnesses and how amazing it was that their partner’s still stuck by their side. I’ve read stories of others who couldn’t participate any longer in sexual relations because of trauma and/or medical reasons, not only females, but males too. They wondered when their partner would leave or even have an affair due to that gap in the relationship. It’s often embarrassing and makes you feel like a solitary existence is easier on your heart.
I had hoped that someday there would be a dating service that offered companionship on a level that took out the physical component. You could hold hands or cuddle, but the rest was never really brought into the equation. It was almost like an unwritten rule that wasn’t discussed, sort of the way it’s known to stay away from topics like politics, sex, and religion on a first date.

Needless to say, a friend on Facebook posted a link to this site called Romance Only (formerly 2date4Love.com) The founder, Laura B. was diagnosed with Stage IV cervical cancer and after treatments found that her body no longer responded the same way as it did before, which made it a challenge to date. The site is geared towards people who are looking for love that doesn’t focus on the physical. It is about finding a compatible partner who respects and understands your decision that intimacy can be much more than what it initially is portrayed in the media and in society.

My only hope is that people will genuinely sign up and the fakes who prey on the vulnerable will just continue to browse the other dating sites and leave this one alone.

After reading more on the site, it appears to be a great resource for connecting with others who truly feel the way you do.

It really doesn’t matter what your story is. Everyone deserves to have someone special in their life to come home to and ask “hi honey, how was your day?” and to feel a warm embrace without the expectation that something else has to follow.

There are billions of people in the world, but finding that connection is far from easy. As my gentleman friend told me “you kiss a lot of frogs to get to your prince and the one who stays through the worst times is worth keeping around for the better times ahead.”